ALYSSA MEI LIU
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Love

6/14/2019

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Right before my last year of college, I found myself sobbing on a random friend's couch a couple days before I was going to head to Kazakhstan. I felt that all the clothes had been stripped off of me and I had been left with nothing but my own sad soul. For the first time in my life, I had finally come to the realization that I was alone. Society enables us to cover ourselves with material things, people and statuses to make us feel as though we are more than we are. But at the end of the day, each and every one of us is still just a bag of bones and a sac of flesh. At the age of 20, I had to accept this.

For years, I tried to fight the idea of being alone. I fought my hardest to try to integrate myself into families or even start families of my own. I knew how to love so I figured I could find someone to love me just as easily as I gave my love away. But, eventually, I found that most love was short term and only lasted a moment. This kind of love was beautiful in it's own temporary way.

I also found another kind of love. This love promised to last forever. It agreed to be family with no end in sight. So I gravitated towards. I fought for it. I craved it.


But this was the kind of love that screamed at me that it loved me. It'd look me hard in the eyes with hate and told me that unless I bid it's will, I would not receive the love I so deeply craved. For years, I allowed this love to control my life. I sought after it and fought for it. It was all I ever knew and understood. 

This love taught me that love was a lie. When I was sixteen, I wrote in my journal that love was a trap meant to ensnare you and force you to be a slave to its will. It was obsessive, controlling and unrelenting. Because of this, I quickly came to hate love. 

Today, I find myself sobbing for my past self. The girl locked in her room had to accept that love was myth. Though she felt love and knew how to give it, she had to accept that she would never receive it. It wasn't until years later that she finally accepted that the only person who could truly love her unconditionally until the end of her days was herself.


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Today, I find myself sobbing for my current self. For the first time in my life, I have experienced true and deep unconditional love through the hearts of a couple of very good friends. When I had finally came to accept that I was alone, I found that I wasn't. However, if I had never accepted that I was alone, I more likely would have never realized that I wasn't. Learning to love myself as if no one else ever would unlocked the most real and true side of me. I suddenly found myself empowered and unstoppable. Dreams and goals I had for years were suddenly coming to fruition left and right. I started meeting the people I had only previously dreamed of meeting and had the opportunities coming into my life that I thought were impossible. Life was suddenly unlocked and I was finally unhindered.

It was in this moment, that I had people fight for me. Not because I was suddenly more valuable for my talents or because of who I knew. But because they had seen the most broken and worst side of me. They hadn't seen what I had been through, but they saw glimpses of the effects. Most people would give up on me as soon as signs of my traumatic past began to show. But for the first time in my life, I finally found family that chose to accept me and all my brokenness and flaws.

To those who have been broken, self love first and the rest will follow.
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Pasties

6/13/2019

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One of the most important things about being an artist, or a professional anything, is to find your own authentic self. For a long time, I struggled with dancing. I loved it, but didn't seem to flourish with it. It wasn't until one night at 2AM when I was asking my hip hop crew director how I could improve that he told me the most revolutionizing advice. He said I was too in my head. When I danced, he could see me thinking. Granted, the choreography was literally fourteen moves in one eight count. (For those of you who don't know dance, that basically means, incredibly fast). Trying to shut my brain off and just allow the music to move me seemed impossible.

It wasn't until three years later when I began burlesque dancing that I finally understood. I was new to the scene and had only begun burlesque dancing. Up until this point, I had never worn pasties. For awhile, I never planned to. But one day I came across an audition for The Damn Devillez, a rock horror burlesque company. I had a feeling that I could join the crew and be successful at it. However, they were notorious for being ranchey and I still hadn't even worn pasties. But, I decided to go to the audition anyway and see if dance-wise I was at least cut out for it. Sure enough, I made it in. However, the director instantly warned me that I had to be ok with wearing pasties, otherwise, the company was not for me. 

​As an up and coming artist, I felt strongly that this was a step I needed to take. My skills were fairly under developed and I felt that I needed to grab work where ever I could find it. So I said yes. About a week later, I was booked for a hard core rock band called Despite Loyalty to do some burlesque. I was told the director of The Damn Devillez would be there. I knew I needed to prove myself and I decided this would be the moment.
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Seconds before hitting the stage with the band, I sank deep into the back of my mind. For the first time in my life, I triggered my alter ego, Alicia Cirque. As a kid I was always shy, nervous and painfully modest. But I was always aware that I had a dark side creeping around somewhere in the back of my mind, I just never knew how to access it. It was that moment before hitting the stage that I found it. I was suddenly some one else and I took over the stage with a level of confidence that I never knew I had.

​Most people from my hometown see me burlesque dancing now and take it as a sign of promiscuity or loss of identity. I had to deal with a lot of criticism for it. It bothered me at first, but as time went on, the comments ceased to bother me at all. What they saw as promiscuity, I knew was confidence. I felt more enabled and  empowered to be myself and embrace who I was fully. Moreover, my artistry flourished and from that day on, people began recognizing me as a dancer. Not just because I was a burlesque dancer that wore pasties, but because I had the confidence to develop my own sense of unique movement that set me apart from the rest of the industry and allowed me to get booked on a numerous more jobs than most dancers.


Of course, you don't have to wear pasties to be successful. You just have to be ready and willing to accept and understand who you are and allow and your most authentic self to shine through.
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June 12th, 2019

6/12/2019

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One of the best decisions I made was to start my own company. After spending a solid year hustling my ass off and losing some nights of sleep, I had established myself as an LA dancer. This was a huge deal to me! Moreover, the amount of success I had in such a short amount of time was fairly unheard of. Again, it wasn't from an insane amount of talent or some crazy supernatural gift I had. It was only from working incredibly hard, non-stop, for a year. And that was were I found my great success. 

As I came around to my anniversary of being a dancer and making it a part-time job that supplemented for half my income, I stumbled on an opportunity at Rainbow Bar & Grill. Having been married to a musician previously, I knew this was a worldwide famous spot in the rock world so I was pretty thrilled about the opportunity to dance there. 

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You know where to find us...

A post shared by Rainbow Phoenix Variety Co. (@rainbowphoenixvarietyco) on Jun 5, 2019 at 10:12am PDT

After having my moment on stage, the band manager approached me and asked me to return to dance there weekly. The funny thing was, he wanted me to do it for fun. No pay only tips. Three 45 minute sets of dancing to hardcore rock and roll music. I thought he was crazy for even thinking I would say yes. At this point, I still did a few occasional free gigs, but only for big exposure. This was becoming my profession so I wasn't going to bend over backwards to try to make a few tips for fun.

Nevertheless, I started to find it helpful to occasionally return to make a little pocket money. I never thought or expected that I would make big money there, but I figured I could get a little going for myself. Over the span of two months of popping by occasionally, I watched as the band manager struggled to find more dancers. He had a vision, just didn't know how to make it happen. I started to realize that this was a world famous bar in need of gogo dancers. I also started to remember that I knew plenty of dancers who were really wanting to get in the gogo scene but didn't have the right connection to do so. It was in that moment that I saw that I had tapped into a land mine filled with gold. 

I told the band manager that if he wanted it, I would hold an audition to hire girls to gogo dancers. He didn't know where I would find them or how I would do it, but he told me to go for it. On the audition day, girls came. 
Starting on New Years, I launched my new project and had four girls dance at a new after hours spot that the band manager was opening up. We had a pole and fire going along with top notch gogo dancing. At the end of the night, I sat with the girls, all of whom were friends from past jobs and looked at them. I looked at Aly in the eyes (who was later to become one of my right hand ladies) and said, "I can start a company out of this." She stared back at me and nodded. I could see in her eyes that she believed in me just as much as I knew I could believe in myself. As soon as I knew she had my back, I was set.

It's been six months since that day and together with my amazing team, we've already established ourselves with two solid residencies, our own production, a tour to New York and getting booked at major events. It goes without saying, but time has shown me and proved to me that I was meant for this. So many little building blocks and steps along the way all tied together for the one divine moment that I would be given a chance to take advantage of the opportunity.

Life always has a way of preparing us for what we need to do. I once had a professor tell me that nothing was ever wasted in the economy of God. If we trust the process, everything always comes around in a full circle
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Changing Mindsets

6/10/2019

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One of the greatest challenges I had in building my career was finding the right people to surround myself with. It's a common saying that you are who you hang out with. I find this to be incredibly true. I was born into a world of pessimism. I was told that one in a million people became rock stars so you might as well not even try. But today, I live in a world where I'm surrounded by rock stars. It's made me realize that whether or not you become a rock star is not just contingent on your destiny but also on your decisions and tenacity to work hard to be that one in a million. 

I grew up in a world believing it was impossible to build a living as a dancer, especially because I didn't start ballet by the age of 3. However, today, my entire income comes from dancing. The greatest key to making this happen was by letting go of everyone who told me it was impossible. I learned to stop surrounding myself with people who told me I couldn't and started finding people who told me a could. Once that happened, my entire world was unlocked.
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Best handstand teacher ever. Go take @maximsedochenkoff classes at @aerialwarehouse !!!

A post shared by Alyssa Mei Liu (@alyssameiliu) on Dec 21, 2018 at 3:23pm PST

Today, I live an incredible life that is designed by me. My days consist of waking up whenever I want. Training in the apparatuses I love and ending my days making money dancing or hanging from a ceiling. And the best part is, there was no trade off. Like every artist, I paid my dues and spent a few nights with no meals. But once my dues were paid, and once I really came to a point of believing in myself, things changed. These days, I never worry about missing a meal. I don't have to share a room or live in a slump. Instead I have the beautiful luxury of waking up and walking outside to a patio surrounded by beautiful trees with the beach a ten minute drive away.


                                         ~~~~~


For some reason, society has ingrained it in our minds that we have to either be happy and poor or rich and unhappy. Both are false. Being rich starts with a mindset, continues with hard work and ends in peace. It takes time to master because of all the societal norms that have been forced on us. But once it's unlocked, it's the most incredible thing. â€‹
All the same, I didn't achieve everything that I have so far by good vibes alone. It also took an awful lot of sacrifices. I was born into a pessimistic family and then chose a pessimistic marriage. My beginning story never should have allowed me to make it as far as I did. It wasn't until one terrible morning of being shaken to my core that I realized I no longer wanted to spend the rest of my life unhappy. That single experience pushed me to cut ties and move forward. I let go of all my friendships and relationships that were so incredibly pessimistic and entered a new community where no one knew my story or who I was. I dyed my hair blue and decided to laugh and live and love as if I had just been born into the world. My life was never the same after that. Only good things began happening.
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Naturally, it was incredibly painful letting go of so many friendship and relationships. I had to go through a divorce and cut emotional ties with my blood family. Both things were painful and scary. I had spent my entire life fighting to not be alone. But at the end of the day, I had to CHOOSE to be alone for the sake of my own mental and emotional health. Coming to the point of realizing I was a struggling artist in LA with absolutely no safety net and no one who would always have my back was one of the most terrifying and soul crushing realizations of my life. And it was one that I had no choice but to accept. I stopped trying to fill the hole and allowed myself to experience the hurt that came with being alone rather than trying to find something (probably something or someone unhealthy) to fill it.
Only then did my new found family finally have the space find it's way into my life.
More often than not, it takes letting go of everything to finally find what was always meant to be. You have to be able conquer the fear of being alone and having nothing. By allowing yourself to be in that position, you naturally make room for all the good things that were always meant to be.
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How to Get Started

6/7/2019

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One of the most common questions I get is, "How?"

How did I become a full-time performer living in Bel Air, doing six to ten shows a week? Or in other words, how did I create my dream life? When I started out, I would have loved a handbook to guide me along. Instead, I had to follow my gut and hope that it would move me somewhere. Thankfully, it worked and often it's impossible to fail if you do follow your gut. However, I can make things easier for you tell you in five easy steps how to begin:

1. Go To Shows

Sounds like an obvious thing to do, but sometimes the obvious things are easy to miss. The most important thing for an up and coming professional is to get exposure. In order to sell your brand, you need to know what's selling and what is marketable. Being present at shows allows you to see what good acts look like. They also help you understand what attracts the kind of audience you're looking to get. Moreover, being at the scene can provide the opportunity to meet the right people. Sometimes that's the show director, the dancers, bar manager, or maybe even someone in charge of a completely different show. The whole thing comes down to exposure.
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2. Meet People

The more people you meet and the more friends you have, the more likely someone will remember you when they are trying to look for your kind of talent. When I started off, I began doing free or low-paying gigs. I found people I liked to be friends with and always tried to leave a good impression with whoever was in charge. To this day, I'll still get calls from random connections I've met overtime.

3. Diversify Yourself

When I began dancing, it was very clear that I was one of the worst. Out of all the people on my high school dance team, I probably had the least amount of potential to become a professional dancer. I didn't realize it at the time, but it was because I had no experience. My only competitive edge was that I could do flips. However, my aging body was already warning me that that wouldn't last for long. By lucky coincidence, I stumbled into the circus aerial arts and found my niche. To this day, I book more work than most of my friends who are technically trained dancers.  The reason why is because I do fire, aerial silks, lyra hoop, and pole on top of regular dancing. This allowed me to make myself ten times more marketable than the average dancer.
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Some times you need a powerful song to do powerful moves. ...don't play the sound if you don't like descriptive songs.

A post shared by Alyssa Mei Liu (@alyssameiliu) on Nov 30, 2018 at 5:03pm PST

4. Train Constantly and Consistently

Once you find your niche and your few skills that diversify you, it is essential to be training constantly. The competition is always growing and getting better. If you yourself are not, then you'll fall behind and lose your jobs to the new up and coming talent. Expand and grow. There's always more to learn. This also means you have to be willing to spend money. It's cliche, but spending money really does make money if you take the time to learn how to do it right. I've spent from $200 to $2,000 a month in training. But when I started, the most frustrating thing was trying to spend money I didn't have. I didn't have any gigs so how could I pay for training? The answer was that I had to maximize my time and do the things I didn't like first. I had to work a full time job and train at night. Then I had to work three shows in a night and work off of 5 hours of sleep. The reason so many people fail at becoming an artist is because they are not willing to put in the hustle and tough work required to succeed.

5. Understand Yourself: Body, Mind, Soul

And finally, the most important things about being an artist of any kind is understanding yourself. You have to know what your body is capable of and what looks best on you. You also need to have a deep understand of yourself and who you are. An artist that doesn't know who they are and simply copies the moves of another person will never excel or be memorable past a certain point. The only way to make a lasting impression is to find your own movement and skill that sets you apart. This comes from training but also from reaching deep within and learning how to express your soul. And that is what will separate you completely from any other artist.
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Coming To Be

1/15/2019

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When I was a young girl, I would watch movies like Benjamin Button or Burlesque. I grew a deep romanticized attachment to the thought of being in a dressing room backstage. I felt that if you had your own dressing room in Hollywood, you were a star. 

By the age of 23, I found myself sitting in my own dressing room. I was backstage preparing for a three month gig as a co-star of a well known magic show in Santa Monica called Magicopolis. As I sat there getting ready, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the fact that I was literally sitting in my childhood dream. Everything that everyone had once told me was impossible was suddenly irrelevant. I had become what people said I could never be.
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But it was at no small cost. As most dreams do, my dream required an awful lot of sweat, blood and tears. To this day, people ask me how I did it. How did I become a successful performer in Hollywood? How did I build my own company by the age of 24? I was also often asked why. Why did I spiral down such a dark path? Why was a straying from my religious background and becoming something that my hometown considered disgraceful? I did my best to answer the first set of questions. However, it's difficult to explain in a single text something that took a quarter of a lifetime to achieve. As for the second set of questions, I completely ignored those. The complexity of what I went through in life could not be explained in a single text.

Today, I decided that it was finally time to answer all the questions.
​
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My name is Alyssa Mei Liu (a.k.a. Alicia Cirque) and I'm a circus burlesque performer in Hollywood. Four years ago, I was twenty, homeless and traveling the world as a Christian missionary. I was a well known in my community. At sixteen, I was speaking in churches. Children and elderly alike listened to and respected all that I had to say. I was something of a Christian celebrity in my little city. By the time I was twenty-one, I was married.

But today, you'll never find me in a church sitting with my husband. More often than not, I'll be in a high-end bar, hanging from the ceiling or lighting myself on fire while taking my clothes off in front of an audience and being thankful for my divorce. Looks like two very different pictures, sounds like two very different people.  
But the beauty of life is that they are not. People are allowed to change and flourish as life pushes them along. So here's my story, packed with plenty of tips on how to become a full-time performer and overcoming challenging odds. I hope it helps you along your own journey.
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